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by Jason Michel

You are about to enter the Beavis & Butthead, people. Piss contests, broken bones & trolls. Be prepared to read stories that’d give Bill & Ted a cardiac arrest. Welcome to the Skull Fist zone. A heavy metal band from Toronto, Canada, & yes, they may be young, dumb & full of cum but they are touring their arses off to get their EP “Heavier Than Metal” out there.

Q1: Tell us here on Planet PMM about yourselves …

Who? THE ARMY OF SKULL FIST!! The dudes of the dude who fight the world on a daily basis.

What? HEAVY METAL BROTHERS ON A QUEST FOR HEAVY METAL GLORY!!

Where? The entire universe man!!! We will not stop until everyone in the universe has been fisted (Alf, Marvin the martian, that guy from that Kapax movie, Buzz Aldridge, Ted Bundy. EVERYONE)!!

How? We are working hard as hell right now to turn Skull Fist into a self sustaining heavy metal machine so we can hit the road and never stop. Play every city and town in North America, South America, Europe, UK, Asia, and Australia! I don’t think heavy metal bands can tour in the Middle East though or Africa. That’d be sickkk though! Once we get to a point where we can quit our shitty ass day jobs and just tour. That’s it. 300 days a year man. Stay on tour for a full year and shabammmm. Make albums and give hell spreading the wordddd. The bird is the word. The heavy metal bird.

Q2: Skull Fist. A name to remember. Skull. Fist. How Metal is that!

Where did the moniker come from? A bad hangover? A gutter fight?

We, mere mortals, demand to know!

Sit back my puny mortals and I shall tell you a tale. I take of courage, of strength, of fermenting yeast. In a time when time was nothing more than time itself. there were but 4. The only 4 with the dreams of conquering the stars. A young Demigod named Jackieus Slaughterus was enjoying the fine dining of Ale with one Sir Shredius Maximus when it was agreed that the earth conquering cover would consist of nothing more than a clenched skelton hand or one would say. the “Skull Fist” in meedy terms. The name was forever imprinted into the minds of these young demi-gods and the next morn it was written in stone on a peice of clothen shirt and it was forever known that the mighty Skull Fist would rise above all to conquer the world through the sound of metal!

Q3: Okay, the question you’ve been waiting for … *drumroll*

TATTTATTATATATTATTTATATTTATATATATATATATATAT

Why do play classic NWOBHM-style Metal in this Post-Metal-Core-Art-Rap-Hybrid-Industrial-Doom-Crossover era?

What is it about those older bands that you love & that you see missing from the current Metal Scene?

… I think you answered that question on your own. Hahahaha we simply play heavy metal. Death, thrash, black, green, purple, iron, copper, nickle, it’s all heavy metal brother. We’re just fighting the world with our own style! We just listen to heavy metal I guess. Lots of old stuff. some newer stuff, I like death metal, thrash metal and everything as well. ahahah It’s not that we are intentionally trying to sound like an old heavy metal band or anything. You just play, man! and whatever comes out is what comes out. I think the current metal scene is doing perfect. It just needs to be a bit bigger, but either way if it shrinks or grows, it’s still going to fuckinnn awesome!

This is the best music in the world, dude. Even with bands that we may not like to call heavy metal or trendy dicks. Those guys suck, yeah totally but I would never be concerned about them tarnishing heavy metal. They suck and they do it for the wrong reasons but heavy metal is too strong to be stained.

Q4: How have the Canadian media reacted to you guys?

I mean, you’re hardly Celine fucking Dion are you?

Man, I watched this documentary on Celine Dion once… came to the conclusion that…. man. Sheee sucksssss.

Canadian media doesn’t really care too much in what we are doing, but it’s not so bad. We’ve gotten some radio play here in Canada lots of times. If we make a video I’m sure much music will play it so well do that and see what happens. I mean, I know for sure it’s not like much music (our version of mtv) is really going to do anything for us.

I don’t see that happening. There is still a good metal scene here in Canada though. It’s actually a lot better than some think. Its just you have to work a lot harder out here to get the dudes to shows and shit! gotta promote like crazy!

Q5: Tell us a little about your self-produced five-song EP, “Heavier Than Metal”.

& just what is Heavier Than Metal?

It is outright battle against the world man!!!! Fighting for the cause to rock with power and freedom!!! Some of the extra weight comes from the heart brotha!!

A quest for world domination while we forever ride the beast!!! We did record it in a basement as well. Heavier than metal is the feeling of nothing but pure love for the sound of music! (not that crappy movie) When the passion is strong only then is the music!

Q6: You seem to be touring all over the shop!

Where have you been & where are you going?

How are the audiences reacting to your “classic” sound?

Canada tour next week. That’s gonna be sick. We did a Canada tour already but goddamn it’s a big country! The audiences here in Canada seem to be cool as fuck!

They are all awesome everywhere we go. You’d be surprised at how many metalheads there actually are in Canada! You just gotta get them out to the shows! We are hopefully going to the U.S. in October but we will see how the money goes! Europe in January for the metal assault festival. Going to book a tour while we are there as well, so fuck yeah!

Q7: Any Rock N’ Roll tour stories of note?

Me and Shred have had some serious pee wars… one time we were opening for the Summer Slaughter tour in Toronto ( not sure why but we did ) and me and Shred were wasted after the show outside the washrooms trying to piss on each other, he ended up falling over while pissing and smashing his hand and cracking a bone! ( not his weener bone)!

I once shot a firework out of my ass. That was on the last tour. It ended up cutting my hole and my ass was bleeding for the rest of the tour. No lie. It was great. Me and Shred have had some serious epic times with our heavy metal drinking. If you check out the video’s on our site you’ll see how the weird crap we get up to. A while back I broke both my hands. Had a gig that night. Played the gig, the bone in my fretting hand kept popping out of place while we played and sending serious jolts of lightning up my arm. I just got wasted and tuffed it out and the next day went to the hospital. Broke the one hand and cracked the bone in the other. It was awesomee! With the band Maniac (Johnny’s old band) we drove out to Halifax to start a tour. I got out of the vehicle. Jumped on my skateboard. Seen this sick gap and 20 minutes later broke my collar bone.

That was awesome too. Hurt like hell, but it was awesome. We ended up playing the gig the first night and had to cancel the rest of the tour since I couldn’t lift my hand or even turn it around to play. I got to work the fog machine and they played with no bass. I once pee’d all over Alison while she was sleeping. She was pretty mad but not that mad. We spray painted her hair while she slept once too. That was lots of fun. It was silver.

Q8: Your drummer *Alison Thunderland* is female.

You didn’t see too many ladies in real Metal bands & their audience in my day, for shame.

How does she survive in the hairy & sweaty arena that is Metal?

I bet she damn well puts you gentlemen in your place …

Alison is a little munchkin mini metal machine. She gives hell on the drums and is always a larf!

She survives but she definitely puts up with a lot of balony. Like me kicking her, punching her, pinching her, pulling her hair, throwing her tampons out the window, talking smack on stage about her hooping her drums sticks, mentioning things about her ovary cycles on stage. When she gets drunk though,  she’s out for revenge!! She’ll run full pin and jump on your back and tackle you from behind.. She’s like a troll or something. A tiny little bridge troll. She tried to shave my eyebrows once!!!

& just who are the Babes Of Skull Fist?

The Babes of Skull Fist are just that. The Babes of Skull Fist! A bunch of sexyyyyy chicks who were all down for getting together and taking some sexy shots in skull fist gear! All the custom fist stuff and the whole thing was thanks to Sharon Toxic. She hooked it all up for us! It was great. They were all rubbed up against my guitar and shit. It was nice.

Q9: What other art forms (comics, movies et al) have influenced SF?

What do you guys dig?

I don’t think any of us really read comics but Philthy Phil from this local magazine called Cromium Dioxide makes some funny comic art.

I used to read those Thor ones and Simpsons comics when I was a kid though.

movies

ZARDOZ. OVER THE TOP. TRICK OR TREAT. BLACK ROSES. I dont know why I was caps locking that. Rock n roll nightmare. That movie is funny as hell

I’m totally down with the ninja turtles movies too. Man those are great.

I’m totally down with going to musicals too. It’s fun as hell!

Q10: What happens next with SF? When do the unsuspecting public get to see an album?

We tour. We’re on tour right now through Canada. Fartin around in the hotel. We shred harder, sing higher, play cooler. I guess we’re just trying to get the E.P. heard by every heavy metal and rock n roll brother in the world! We will release an album sometime. Haven’t decided when yet though. Not really thinking about it but well have to start thinking about it soon! After the album, continuing the world domination quest, maybe try and get a show booked on the moon. That’d be sickkkkk.

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“Heavier Than Metal” does not break any new ground. Let that be said. In fact, it is firmly entrenched in the Eighties. It completely wears its hairy, loud & ugly influences on its sleeve, NWOBHM, Judas Priest, Exciter etc. & that is the point. They couldn’t give a shit whether you like them or not or whether you think they’re cheesy or stupid. Yes, you get those shrill-Halfordesque vocals & the twin guitar attack but, hey, they aren’t trying to impress anybody. They sure as shite ain’t fashionable but they can damn well play & their truckload of enthusiasm comes through in the songs. They seem to be just doing what they want to be doing. & for that alone, you gotta like ’em. Skull Fist. Music to prance around to in front of the mirror with a tennis racket. In your underpants. Nuff Said.

http://www.myspace.com/skullfisted