THE FOLLOWING IS FROM THE BOOK CHARLIE SHEEN, TROLL AVENGER, by Matt Dukes Jordan with art by various artists including the author. It will be released as an eBook in June, 2011 (soon). It contains essays on the rise of Trolls, Sheen’s life story, his celebrity, and much more, including a long excerpt from a science-fiction novel about Sheen. Here is a short excerpt.
Aye, Fellow Traveler. In the eyes of a wizard Evil smolders in colors dark and menacing. All life shimmers and glows. Trees. Flowers. The animals of the forest. The denizens of the watery deep. Dragons. Man. All life shimmers a color and a hue unique to its own. Even Magic, Pilgrim. Magic glows in colors unique to the brand of magic used.
I guess our parents were courting disaster by giving us those names: my brother Gallant, named after our great-great-great uncle, civil war hero Gallantry Baumont Hemstead III; and me, Goofus, named after the reviled Roman emperor Goofus Ignatious.
There was nothing in this world that James Taylor wanted more than to wake up next to his girlfriend each morning, and to know that his son was sleeping soundly, safe in the next room. He’d listen, with a tired smile on his face, to his Continue reading Tick Tock by Brandon Frisby→
Let me explain exactly how fucked like a passed out prom date’s dry asshole you really are.
You scratched the paint. You think a guy like me, drives a different car every day, wouldn’t care about that shit. But this car don’t belong to me. It belongs to the boss. He lent it to me for the day, because he knows I like quality. I got it in the Continue reading FUCKED by Thomas Pluck→
The small waiting room on platform 2 is full of a non-specific stink – kind of stale smelling, and a little bit toiletly. On an orange plastic chair that is screwed into the dirty, brown-tiled floor I wait for the 15:26 train to Liverpool Street, which is fifteen minutes away. The door opens and while a man with a walking stick hobbles in I try to fill my lungs with some fresh air before the door swings shut again, sealing me back in with the stench. The man with the stick sits down directly opposite me.